The Unknown

Is it possible for tears to gather for something you never felt? Can you miss something you never experienced? Can you feel a loss for something you never had? Can your body and mind truly connect to a soul that almost never existed, a glimmer that came through your life, a slice of what might have been, but never was?

The sun began its journey into night as my plane made its way home. Somewhere in the twilight the humanity surrounding me in the confines of the cabin moved from a roar to a fading white noise, to nothing but the heat in my chest and the beauty of the world. The magic of the moment so intense it suffocated, that there could be such a wondrous world, bathed in the innocent light of the fading day, glimmering with a halo of calm from the setting rays, and the maddening quiet of my mind trying to understand how I could be within such harmony and feel inexplicably torn by the torrent of my soul.

Why are we given the experiences we have and what do they mean? The tears that welled and almost came, tears of happiness capturing an idyllic moment of time, and the sorrow of a heart yearning to absorb yet unable to break the confines of life. Unable to understand the mysteries given, the fate handed out and the choices to make.

How do you know if you are to take the path less trodden, to take the straight and narrow or to stand alone with nary a path. Are we meant to be alone, can I be alone, am I safer alone? I have worked so hard to tame the beast, to find and open tiny windows of light that had been shut for so long, to allow happiness to play unfettered, to bridge the chasms of uncertainty. My individual journey to the recesses of my mind, to the dark chambers, to the wars and the murky poisons, slowly facing the residents and claiming back life rightfully earned. The land is still pockmarked but there is a stronger light at the end of the tunnel, where once it seemed ready to falter and flicker into darkness, it now throbs brighter, a beacon in the soul, illuminating the still long and dangerous path, but shedding enough hope through the shrouded caverns to make me want to forge ahead where before I wished it to crumble and take me with its fall.

I met a soul where I thought none existed. A soul outside the walls I guard with care. Karma says it was meant to be, but where does it play to my destiny and what did it mean. Is it a test to my resolution to stay within my gilded cage, to deny the golden fruit, and continue with my song? There lies a kindred spirit within its own glass confines, revolving within its own walls, in a separate universe, seeking similar truths to mine but in a different land. Do I reach out to find and possibly fail or stand course and take this poignancy never knowing what it meant in the road of life.

I met a man, I felt a man, I saw a man, I became one with a man, and I left a man. I don’t know what he means, I don’t know what that means, and I don’t know what this means. For now, it needs to go into the box in my mind, where all things that confuse be placed, to make it recede. I don’t understand this lesson, I may fail this step, I cannot answer the riddle of the sphinx. Are their more similar souls in glass houses, do I take a step out or do they, and can our houses, filled with so much selfish energy, become one? Become one without undermining the sense of self and living within positive energy that does not leech but instead builds. When is the time and what is the sign? When do we relinquish fear and step into the waves of the unknown? How overwhelming does a moment need to be to make a mark? And how certain do we need to be to show our mark?